Can you relate?
hello, f”{username}”
I’ve been up since 3am. I don’t exactly know why, but I can garner a guess. You see, I have bipolar disorder type 1. This means that, sometimes, I can’t sleep. This leads to risky behavior. It also causes megalomaniac thinking and just general extroverted-ness that I can’t check out of. This lasts for about a week, maybe two, and then: depression. I believe everyone knows the symptoms of that. So I won’t go into the details now.
There was a movie recently, Thunderbolts* (*The New Avengers), where the villain was someone with bipolar disorder. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or the MCU, when you get injected with Super Soldier Serum, it enhances your psyche. This enhancement manifests itself as a superpower. Neat idea. I’m not sure how that is helpful for people struggling with bipolar. This particular villain not only survived his own episode, but also nonchalantly asked, “What happened?”. It was as if he forgot what he had done. He caused havoc on NYC (NYC is the financial capital of the US, but I bet you knew that).
Listen, I’m not a superhero. I am just a human being, trying to get by on life and taking it one day at a time. Right now I’m working as a SWE II (software engineer II) at an ISP (internet service provider). It’s going well, but I’m contracted so I started looking for work. I’m in the process of interviewing with a company called ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛. You don’t need to know that, so I’m redacting it. They’re green energy, suffice to say, so I’m very excited about the prospect of working there. They’re hybrid, too, which is my absolute jam.
We are what they grow beyond. — Yoda, The Last Jedi, 2018
I find myself growing quickly these days, as far as my career goes, anyway. It’s been gratifying to say the least, going from a measly Research Assistant at ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ to a SWE at ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛. But I think I could be earning more than I presently am. I am grateful to my current company for taking me on. I would love to keep in contact with the team. I think I will.
I think, in the end, I’m getting much better. This is happening rapidly: I’m on new medication; I’m sleeping better than I was; and I’m more productive. Thank God for medications. I’m also taking Melatonin and Valerian Root. The Root tastes and smells like feet, but the Melatonin is chew-able and tasty.
I’ll leave you with this thought: If you try to chase sleep, it’ll slip more and more through your fingers. It’s a lot like happiness that way.
Anyway, here’s some music that may or may not help you sleep. All tracks were improvised by yours truly, and it’s meant to be (mostly) calming.
Hasta luego.
DS.
